I realized that one thing that holds me back a lot in my progress towards God is impressing others, which is a little different to virtue signalling in my eyes. When you feel you need to impress others you just become a slave to other people’s opinions of you and don’t become who you want to be. I realized also that I somewhat don’t respect my own spiritual advances and so somewhat try to impress others with the decisions I take. But I wouldn’t say I outright try to use my advanced level of spirituality to impress others that much, but it’s just sometimes.
I feel that to be your own person in life you need to let go of the fear/worry of disappointing others and also you let go of the fear that others may suffer at your expense, but you should focus on the greater good in that regard, but this shouldn’t be used as an excuse to make others suffer at your expense. This worry of disappointing others in some regard has made me look a real fool to be honest and for some reason I equated it with godliness the act of impressing others and not disappointing others. But it just meant that people tried to use me for their own ends, and I wasn’t standing up for myself, but also letting myself down, because in impressing others and trying not to let others down I just became someone that wasn’t who I truly was and wasn’t what I actually stand for.
I also realized that you shouldn’t put efforts into impressing people whom you don’t respect and people who don’t respect you and also that you shouldn’t care of the opinions of people whom you don’t respect. You should only care about impressing people whom you respect, because those are the people you should really care about impressing.
I also feel like I just want to be praised which is why I want and care about other people’s opinions because I don’t accept myself as I am and feel that having others praise me will allow me to accept myself more, which is just not true. I should learn to accept myself as I really am and stop being so miserable and depressed all the time. The ironic thing is I don’t accept that I myself care about impressing others, so therefore I just hide it from myself the fact that I care about other people’s impressions of me.
I will end by saying that the only person that you should be putting efforts to impress is yourself and God.