Lost at Sea
Update 1:
This article was first uploaded to this blog on March 4th 2022 and removed recently to aid my public image, more or less.
But I think its important to share this on this blog to let people know that I have not had an easy past.
I have had a rough young adulthood.
I’ve suffered more than most people do in a lifetime during my young adult years.
I’m changing very much for the better and seeing a lot of good things in my life now.
But its important to know where I actually come from and who I once was…
Not that long ago…
A lot of my suffering simply wasn’t my fault and the person that was responsible was held accountable for their own actions, but I kinda wish that some of the finer details was brought to light publically, but perhaps its not for me to share publically…
This article more specifically is a short poem of my time in absolute complete spiritual darkness and the rough times I did go through not that long ago throughout 2021, 2022 it got significantly easier thanks a LOT to Jesus.
I also want to say that the “Found at Sea” poem I wrote, was perhaps putting the horse before the carridge, I feel that this article is slowly but surely being re-written today and will be re-written in the next few weeks/months/years metaphorically speaking based on my “Return on Investment” from the Spiritual Bank.
Just realized that this is the 2 year anniversary of posting that article on this blog…
Today is 2024.03.04 and I posted this originally on 2022.03.04
With that said, part of me is still in spiritual darkness from the things I went through in my childhood.
But I am slowly but surely doing what I can to change this.
Just know that the dark times you go through in life are temporary.
They will not last.
Nothing is permanent.
Article begins:
I thought I would share here this poem I wrote in December 2021 to share here that in life it hasn’t always been easy sailing so to speak. I felt I owe it to myself to share this short poem because people oft get the wrong idea about me that I have had an easy life through life and that because of my upbringing I have had a perfect life. Which therefore gives them the right to speak down to me thinkign that I haven’t gone through similar difficulties as they have. This simply isn’t true - you can have the most perfect upbringing in life, but still feel completely lost. This poem is of course a metaphor for life where I was in such a deep state of sloth and torpor and would just “goto sleep” as I described it at time. I will also post my very short poem on being found at sea - which I think is quite cool.
I guess what the poem really kinda illistrates is that there is a purpose to life and that sometimes your perceptions of life, your way of looking at things and your way of living can have a major impact on your wellbeing and mental health. What this poem really is about is not giving up because all too often I find that people give up easily on things and that if people put more efforts into changing their beliefs and their perceptions that they can change their reality and who they want to be in life. But only you can choose who you want to be in life.
I begin the poem.
Rowing and rowing endlessly at sea looking for land.
Will I ever find land?
Who knows?
How long have I been rowing?
Endlessly it seems.
Sometimes I see others rowing in their boats looking for land.
They are as lost as me, some act like they are not lost and that seems to fool some.
But no.
Everyone is lost at sea rowing endlessly looking for land.
Will they ever find land?
Who knows?
How long have these others been rowing?
Some more than others it seems.
Sometimes I hallucinate and think I have found land after all my searching and all the vast efforts I have put into rowing.
The joy I feel in thinking I have found land doesn’t last very long as I get closer and closer and realize it was just a hallucination.
I have those from time to time.
Sometimes the stars give me warning signs that there are pirates or sharks further ahead.
Is dying any much worse than rowing endlessly lost at sea in the hopes that I will one day find land?
Who knows?
I oft envy the stars with their vantage point; they seem to know so much.
Do they have sympathy for me being lost at sea?
Are they the reason I’m lost at sea in a boat rowing endlessly?
There are special boats that pick-up people that for whatever reason stop rowing.
On that special boat they tell that person why it’s so important to keep rowing endlessly at sea.
I don’t know who the crazy one is to be honest.
Sometimes I dream of being older and being even more lost at sea.
Will there ever be a point in my life when I am not lost at sea?
Sometimes I see couples share their boats.
But the result is the same.
Endless rowing lost at sea.
Maybe it’s better that they are lost at sea with each other, at least they can provide each other comfort.
Sometimes there are items in the sea that I pick up.
They give me entertainment for some time, but I know deep down that the entertainment they give me is only due to how benign rowing lost at sea is.
Sometimes I ask myself is there any point in continuing? Afterall, I have been rowing endlessly at sea my whole life and yet I still hold on to some hope that maybe one day I will be able to find land and live there instead of rowing endlessly at sea. Maybe I’m deluded.
Maybe I should ignore the warnings from the stars and let the pirates and sharks have me, at least then maybe it will stop me from rowing endlessly lost at sea.
Who put this ocean here?
Why was I given a boat and paddle to row?
Why could I have not started at land to begin with?
I hope that one day I can find land.