In this article I will write a little on selfishness, this is something which I have given away to so much in my life and I thought that hiding my own selfishness and disguising it under the guide of selfless acts was the correct thing to do – it was not. Sincerity of purpose is what in my eyes counts the most in this world, but also being true to yourself.
I guess I’ve been selfish because I can be cowardly at times and I’m not afraid to admit it, because I lack courage and have lacked courage my entire life, but this is something which I am working on as I write this article. Its also because I am just scared, afraid of what others may or may not think of me – or part of me is. But oft times I put on a face, a face that I am strong when really I just hide the fact that I mask inside the fact that I’m just lonely and lack friendship in my life, because I’ve been an introvert a lot of my life, that’s not to say that I’ve lacked friends completely – I just haven’t had close friends, friends I can really trust and rely upon and who I am loyal to and friends who are loyal to me.
Also, as a result of me being a coward I hide the way of the world from myself, and the way of the world could always be improved no matter how good things appear to look. I also choose to hide things from myself because there has been a lack of courage my entire life, but like I said I am working on this and it’s a positive that I am recognizing this.
I guess I also don’t fully appreciate that choosing to not be scared/frightened at the appropriate times is extremely selfish because these granted negative emotions are there for a reason and they help us in life, because I delude myself in the sense that because I repress these negative emotions I don’t see the way of the world clearly, in the sense that there are very bad people in the world because I am a coward or part of me is and its both foolish to not respect the fact that there are very bad people in the world and its extremely selfish on the rest of the world do not respect that simple fact.
I think that my own pride, arrogance, and ignorance gets in the way a lot in regard to giving way to selfishness – as it does to many others in the world. But the only thing that can reduce things like pride, arrogance and ignorance is things like meditation, prayer, devotion to God, service to God etc. I guess I really need to reduce my own pride which has cost me and others a lot, but I intend to put right all those wrongs that I have caused to the world and especially to myself, by my own actions.
The sad part about it is – is that I don’t actually quite realize most of my life when selfishness was playing a role but chose to hide it from myself a lot of the time because I didn’t want others to see me as a coward/frightened/scared, because I cared too much about what others think of me.
But I should accept that these emotions are a normal part of life and are there to protect us in our lives which are a positive thing. But equally you should take the approach of 50/50. In the sense that you should hold a balance between both negative emotions and positive emotions and not take things to extremes which is something that I have done, which just wasn’t fair on myself or the rest of the world.
Granted this is still a work in progress for me in terms of reducing my own selfishness.